So Much Has Happened

It’s been months since I have written.

My courage to love and love again has erupted like a sorrowful volcano; just wanting attention-connection.

I was shut down for almost two years with the entity possession.

Mary Lee LaBay was/is right about values and virtues. Follow them and the unwanted energies will no longer see you as thiers.

 I am my own playground.

 My thoughts, My actions, aspirations, dreams, lessons, strengths and opportunities are mine!

I am mine!

I have decided to have my close confidante, Rhonda Aubol write my story.

I’m hoping it will enhance lives someday- even one life- it will have been worth it to fight and to live.

With peace and blessings,

RL Phelps

Congruence and Comfort

 

I have been thinking about congruence and strength. The people I know who are strong are also congruent and well respected.  I talked to my guide, Taysha about living the most congruent life I can. Her words follow:

“Eliminating need or reasons to lie are rays of light from an aligned soul. Alignment with the soul’s purposes offers fortitude and deliverance giving a focused and determined path motivation to serve the most righteous of goals. All of which represent reference points to one’s possibilities. Clarity is given- not sought. Possibilities are realistic, not that of unattainable dreams. Truth and purpose must be linked or confusion and falsities become abundant. ”

We all lie. We’re born learning that the differences between truth and falsities are something we experience as a way to find truth. A child lying about a missing toy is not committing sin punishable by the fires of hell. Duality is our opportunity to find congruence and individual truths. Often, we say we’re caring for others by withholding our truth or protecting them from it. When, in fact, we’re denying not only our own opportunities for strength, but we’re concealing our comfort and our truths because we hold ourselves responsible for the perceptions of others. I’m feeling that old feeling of heavy weight on my shoulders just writing about it.

After much contemplation and some adjustments about how I share my truth, I found myself lying so much less. Not that I’m anymore of a liar than   anyone else, but I don’t excuse my feelings, actions, perceptions, and beliefs ‘for’ someone else’s comfort.

I frequently preface my truth when talking to people who are sensitive, however. For example, I have a friend who treats her son like he’s an oblivious imbecile when he can’t read her mind. (Why doesn’t she do it everyone?)So when she asked if I wanted to come over to visit I declined stating that I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings or piss her off, but I don’t want to be around someone who strikes out at child when she’s frustrated because she can.

I used to say,” No thanks’” – and leave it at that, but it was important for me to tell her how her actions have far reaching consequences.

My friend did choose to internalize my words for a while, but after a few weeks she actually thanked me for bringing to her attention the cruelty she had inflicted on to her child.

Truth and living in cooperation with your own comfort and path is a less heavy and stressful life. I’m finding myself worrying less and sleeping more. I speak my truth with compassion and respect for myself and others, and it’s giving me back my life the way it was intended to be- harmonious and peaceful.

 

I gemini

I’m finding solace in creativity. If I choose to let my mind write and imagine and manifest,I can be my own hero. I am my own hero!

 To: Me 

I fly, I soar, glide

in the stream

of your wings.

When you falter

lose sight

altitude

I lead with gratitude.

Your cry

disturbs the sun.

In turn

the rains weigh heavy

on your feathers-

Guiding you to rest,

to nest,

contemplate

your changing fate.

Dry and die in the warming sun

as I fly, I soar, glide

in the stream

of your wings.

 

From , me

To Weaken Evil

I recently found to do this only takes submitting to the ‘in love’ state of existence. I’m not writing about finding that certain perfect someone who sweeps the rug out from under your feet and makes you feel like you never have before- blah, blah…

I’m talking about a love for everything in your path. I’m talking about a love and appreciation ; an acceptance, a hope, fascination, and focus for all of the proverbial little things. Lying down on a forest floor after a rain shower and listening to the drops of water hit and roll off the leaves. The smell of damp earth, a child’s cry, actually having gratitude for traffic-it can provide time to think. Stresses that remind you you’re valued and worth seeking out. Falling in love with dirty dog paws on a white shirt, a snotty clerk showing us all how not to be. Having compassion for history when you see a broken nose on an ancient  sculpture. Laughing at yourself for addressing a past due bill to yourself. Turning away from breaking news to pull weeds.  It’s what gives us feeling that also gives us the ability to become more loving, more joyous, more our authentic selves. The brilliance of innocence and beauty weaken fear.

The evil voices and deeds can’t penetrate this state. I’m having too much fun and receiving too much joy here. I think of all I don’t have and it empowers their fear. I express gratitude for all I am and all   have been blessed with, (fears and scars included) and I am the empowered one.

As Taysha said months ago, “Have a crush on life.”

Thank you. I heard you. I’m infatuated with my path.

 

 

Spiraling to and through deep thought

I would travel in day dreams and sometimes in the midst of sleep, I would suddenly wake up with  bizzarre thought’s. It all seemed to give me strength. Something to think about. As though a life path were unfolding somewhere.

11/4/06

 It is through difference we can connect then experience similarity. In the middle all have an advocate. Synergy can flourish. Interpretation for all viewpoints happens here. The use of absolutes, for example; never, ever, always, forever, everyplace, everything, everybody suppresses growth -as in absolute has presumed a conclusion. Weather conceivable or not hope becomes lost. All changes. Absolutes cannot recognize that. Judgments and linear opinions like : should, ought to, if, when, why, because, will, would have; are mostly bargaining conditions. They diffuse and dilute acceptance.

11/5/06 

Do we not wish to accept that there is a mid point of comfort and reason? It’s the place where understanding and compassion for all- for no reason- without judgment or persuasion resides. Few see from this place, fewer know about it or feel compelled to sit on the proverbial fence. This fence is a gray between black and white. It’s the middle which balances the opposites; it presents reasonable and fair understanding to the obligations and judgments within struggle. The middle is a validating factor to choice. It is through stepping on common ground that we can experience, appreciate, and choose that which challenges the linear focus of purpose. …How can harmony exist without equality?

Extreme’s offer  little room for exploration and possibility. The periphery and the middle encircle and stabilize while promoting motion.  I feel neutrally guided to the mid line. I want to understand all sides. How can polarity offer stability when the motion of chaos forces entropy?

How can I understand and function if I ignore this wisdom? I can’t. I have to think!

Journal entree’s

 It was easier to write about most of this than to talk about it.

On 10/13/06 just before my first meeting with Stacey and Mary Lee LaBay, I was attacked by something barely visible.

In my own home. In a small hallway.

The dog’s were outside.

It was a huge presence. He was threatened by my seeking help.

He somehow beat my abdominal and mid back region’s. My upper arms, and thighs too.

No voice that could be reasoned with. It happened slowly, but in seconds.

Blunt force- tighten up, SLAM,step back.

I could hear a groan.

 Against a wall. Into the wall.

“Getting your attention vehicle…”

No where to go.

All I could really recall was thinking, OK, ok. I’ll need to work this a different way.

I don’t own me.

 I am not mine any longer.

My philosophy includes the belief that Nothing is presented that we cannot overcome.

It’s just a body.

It’s not me.

I’m not my body.

A few days ago something carved ‘Help Me’ in to the side of my leg.

When did I cut my head? It had been bleeding, but I don’t remember.

 

 10/18/06

Met with May Lee LaBay and Stacey. I guess this is real. Mary Lee think’s this is a stubborn bully. It might take up to 5 sessions to get through it. He seems to talk with a few different facades, like he is more than one energy. His primary focus today was to say “F” you to everyone, then have something/ someone who sounds like him come forward to do the same. It get’s so cold inside my body when he speaks.

Katie Jane spoke. She has a guide, Taysha. Taysha will be helping.

That was cool.  I wonder if she knows the warm one who helps me.

10/18/06 (Later)

I can’t have an entity removed by a healer. Where would it go? What about Katie Jane? It’s the young one that was abducted and stuck in me. How do I know it’s not all a bunch of bullshit? The injuries make it real. Oh boy do they. My bruises are finally fading, Oh God that was horror. Tuff to write about- just easier to bury it. Escape has worked before. Now again- for a while until I can, or want to face it.

10/20/06

Can’t sleep, how long have they really been with me and why didn’t I know it? I went through my twenties and thirties with entities! No wonder I can’t connect to anyone.

10/24/06

Voice in my head, my heart just sends this fear; I am so tired of this shit. The dogs don’t even want me around. I feel like a spectator to a team that doesn’t exist. Running into a goal line and the ball is flying toward,- no through me. Whose life is this? Where did mine go?

10/31/06

Alone, what’s new? I guess I like it this way. The entities seemed to have calmed. I wish I could play with Katie Jane. Can she be harmed or attacked? Does she listen to my thoughts? I’ll miss you sweet love. But I want you to go to the place where your real life can continue.

Gift of therapy/Stephanie Flesher

After acknowledging my teacher, I thought it only right to do the same for Stephanie Flesher. Stephanie joined this story about six months after I became aware that I was a channel for energies with evil intentions. Stephanie is a mental health therapist specializing in Domestic Violence and other women’s issues. She was, and still is an attentive spirit who commands those in her space to respect yourself, honor your souls worth, strive to face that which control’s you, and mostly to value your life for the gift it is. I appreciate Stephanie’s ability to accept the possibility of entities, passenger’s, and guides as real forces to be worked with and often listened to.  Because of this,she has been a gift to my life.

You can read more about Stephanie Flesher through the blogroll,( to the right) or in her personal weblog.

Chat with help

Mary Lee LaBay called me on a Saturday afternoon. She explained that none of my attempts to contact her had succeeded. She asked a few questions regarding the possible possession by an entity.

“Are you being harmed physically?” 

No.

“Are you losing track of time?”

No.

She helped me to understand that my being frightened is like handing candy to a child for acting out. She encouraged me to relax as much as possible when I feel the presence of something that is usually not there. Additionally, Mary Lee said that it is quite possible that this energy has been with me for some time now and is acting out on occasion because I ‘m now aware of its presence. She assured me that it is most likely nothing more than a school- yard bully and we would talk to it in a few weeks.

That night I heard knocking sounds inside my mattress. I couldn’t seem to stop feeling on edge and fearful. Who the hell wouldn’t fear something like this, I thought. My bedroom started to get cold. I was shivering. My dogs were trying to get out. I thought; I’m not getting out of this bed! Why would they need to go out side now? They just went. I heard a heavy inhale, followed by a voice resounding in the whole room, as if there were speakers every few feet on all of the walls. He whispered slowly with cold confidence, “You Are Mine.”

Got out of bed.

The dogs, Miles and Tucker, shot out of the bedroom and through the hall like they were after something. They looked at me when they got to the door, but they wouldn’t go out without me. I was grateful to say the least.

This can’t be happening. I’m so cold. But, I’m not shaking. Am I outside? Why am I freaking out? This had to have been my own mind freaking me out. Was it a night mare? I went upstairs to watch TV. Slept there.

Having coffee before working out the next morning, I heard the calm, soothing female voice again.  “Trust the process.”

What?

“ If meaning is to be given, give it to the end.”

What? That made about no sense!

Who are you?

Nothing. The sense that something strong and nurturing was surrounding me stayed for quite some time. I didn’t want to go work out. I just wanted to be held by this love. I wanted to cry, but what would that accomplish?  What process? What meaning?

I would know soon that this would be one hellacious and tormenting process with a great deal of physical, emotional, mental, and mostly spiritual strength required.

(“I am in charge .”He said as he whipped me again.)

Mary Lee LaBay

It is important for me to recognize an influential and empowering incarnate teacher. Mary Lee LaBay has worked with people possessed by entities for decades and her knowledge and insights have helped to enhance my communication abitities with these troubled energies. It was through her compassion and instruction that I was able to realize the power within me and the fortitude it would require to reclaim my life. Although it was not an easy task to meet, due to entity interference, her myriad of talents, lifetime of knowledge, and her tough compassion are the reason’s I have chosen to share the all too common affliction of entity possession. Though my challenges were not quite what she was used to working with, she has continued to be a dedicated and diligent supporter/example of light and love.

You can read more about Mary Lee LaBay Ph.D below and on her website AwarenessEngineering.com.

Mary Lee LaBay, Ph.D., is the author of five books on hypnosis, past life regression, self-hypnosis, and relationships. With a doctorate in Behavioral Psychology, she is the founder of Awareness Engineering, a process for developing alignment between the self and reality. Between travels to destinations around the world, she offers workshops, personal discovery retreats, and certification courses in the philosophy and techniques of Awareness Engineering. Dr. LaBay maintains a private practice in Bellevue, WA.

A teacher,guide, and Katie Jane

Mid- September 2006

After multiple attempts to contact Mary Lee LaBay, I called Stacey once again to help me figure out what could be going on inside of me.

Stacey wanted a friend/masters student to come with her to observe this entity conversation, and I agreed to it. She said it was also for her protection because sometimes these energies can act out.

Occasionally I would hear a child’s voice crying out for help and sometimes sounding like she’s being tortured. Begging and pleading with someone that she will be good, saying, “No fire …please…”

I explained to Stacey that I wanted to help her if I could.

In trance, Stacey asked if anyone wanted to talk.

After a few moments, I felt an extreme amount of annoyance, then heard, “Get the fuck away you stupid bitch!”

Stacey asked, “Anyone else?”

I could feel a little child wanting to come forward, but her fear was overwhelming.

“Anyone want to try?” I heard in a sarcastic and threatening voice coming from me.

“What the fuck is your excuse for living?” He asked to Stacey.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

I could feel this rage welling within me. Voices saying ,”die bitch”, “use her”, “show her fear”, “fuck with its comfort- arrogant cunt..”

The main evil voice spoke through me again, “hmmm, Fillet labia for dinner, ahhh sounds so sweet. Right cunt?”

“ Interesting choice of words. Do you have a name?” Stacey asked.

A long Pause followed,  from my perspective. I felt cold and hopeless. Somewhere deep inside of me I could feel a twinge of resistance to this feeling of doom and lonliness.

I felt a sudden distant warmth unlike anything I had ever experienced move into the room. It surrounded me and seemed to comfort the little child who was so frightened in the beginning of the session. I could feel ,almost see her moving forward into safety and light. Where was it coming from?

“His name is Markotso.”

What? Stacey asked.

“Shhh, his mane is Markotso, but please don’t say I said it ,OK?”

Who are you?

“I’m not spossed to talk.”

That’s Ok. You are doing fine. You can continue if you want.

‘OK. She said it’s safe too.”

Who said  it?

“ The angel lady. I’m Katie Jane. I died in a car. It was on fire and my mom couldn’t get me out.”

I’m so sorry. How long have you been here with Rhonda?

“ I don’t know.”

How old are you?

“ I’m going to be six. I saw that my dad got a red bike for me. It’s in the garage.”

Do you know more about how you got here now?

“No.”

I heard her gasp and become afraid. The energy who was helping seemed to follow her and keep her protected.

I was still very much in a trance state, but could feel a violent rage beginning to well within me. I wanted to attack something or someone. As stated earlier ,Stacey is an intuitive and was able to sense something, so she brought me forward to talk about this.

Stacey said she would try to contact Mary Lee LaBay on my behalf and stress the importance of my needing an appointment with her.

A few days later, I heard from Mary Lee by phone. She told me she had not received any emails or voice mails from me.

What is going on here?  I looked in my sent folder and they they were. I did send them. Three emails. How could that be? I checked my call log, yes, those calls were made to.

What  or who is doing this to me. This shit only happens in the movies!

That night as I lay struggling to drift off, I heard that soft, comforting female voice again.

“ Command your desires, they are yours to flourish.”

What?!

“ Trust in darkness the sun is shining.”

Oh, that was nice. But what  did it mean? 

I would be meeting Mary Lee LaBay in a few weeks and some sense would be made of this.